Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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