Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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