my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
