Where did you get a picture of my penis
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She needs sedatives and a leash
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
