btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
