guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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