too bad you live with your parents still
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize