apparently the secret to your success is patron
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize