i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
