i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
