Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
