batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
