You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
