I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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