I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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