Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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