I wish I could teleport
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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