The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
