I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
