five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
