you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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