Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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