I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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