I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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