..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
