I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
thus making me awesome and them whores
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
