Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
