fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
