Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize