Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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