How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Randomize
