My hand turned me down
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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