i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
