as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize