I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
