god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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