i don't like sucking hair
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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