Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
