i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
she pinky promised me she was 18
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
