It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
