either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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