I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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