so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The power of my boobs compel you
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
