I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
