I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
