Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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