She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
