Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
