dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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