Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Apparently you make a good broom.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
