I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
