I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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