god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
