I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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