I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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