Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
