This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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