dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
