I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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