And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
