There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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