i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
