So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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