honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
