just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
