9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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