An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
