Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
