nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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