mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
