While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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