You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Randomize
