Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
