chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
