I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
