Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
