Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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