we have pet lesbian snakes
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
