I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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