apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
