I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
