I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I'm really busy with my period
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