dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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