I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
