before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
