You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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