I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
