I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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