I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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