i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
