So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
