Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
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